Crimson Shadows
by Ashbrie13
Summary: I used to be innocent. The Hunger Games changed all that. Fallen tributes whisper in my ears, tormenting my mind. Nightmares riddle my thoughts. All I know is...I shouldn't have won.
1. Last Moments

A golden fireball hurtled toward me. I kept running, dodging to the side. A tribute ran beside me. I didn't care who it was. There were five of us left.

BOOM! A cannon rang out in the distance. Four, as of now.

My legs were sore, my heart aching. I was tired of this. Tired of running, tired of the gory images etched into my mind.  
Who am I? Those words ring through my mind every day.

My name is Iridescent Evermore, but people call me Shadow.  
I am thirteen years old.  
I am from District Twelve.  
I am in the 49th Hunger Games.

I stumbled over a rock, and fell. A boy crouched over me, sadistically grinning, unsheathing his knife.

**Ring around the rosy. **  
The boy is on me now, pinning me down. He carves a broken heart around my left eye. Blood trickles from my wounds, blinding me. I try to scream, but nothing comes out. Crimson seeps into my consciousness as he carves another broken heart around my right eye. I close my eyes. Still red.  
BOOM! I hear a cannon in the distance, but I know it's not mine.

**Pocket full of posies.**  
The boy let his knife slide down towards my chest, leaning lazily down to my breasts. He jabs the knife into my breast, and red stains my green shirt. Ha. It looks like Christmas, except that doesn't exist anymore. He twists the knife around, but I still can't scream. He pulls it out, and I can barely breathe. Only short, ragged breaths come out.

_Who am I?_

The boy cackles, whispering cruel words in my ear. He jabs the knife into my side. My body spasms. He rips open my shirt, grabbing at my breasts. I try to fight him, but I have no energy. I try to scream, _NO! DON'T! _but nothing comes out of my mouth.  
Suddenly, the girl from District Eight jumps out of the bushes and pounces on the boy, stabbing him multiple times in the back. His cannon booms. I shove him off me, silently thanking the girl. I still can't speak. _  
_

**Ashes, ashes. **

A fireball whizzes past us, singing our hair, followed by two more. The girl manages to dodge the second one, but can't move fast enough for the third. I watch in horror, crouching on the ground, as the girl screams in pain as her skin bubbles and burns. The previous fireballs have landed near the third one, starting a small brush fire. The girl's hair and clothes have already been turned into ashes, while her body is mangled and burnt. You can barely tell who it is. I clutch my injuries tightly, my eyes wide open, even as the blood seeps down into my eyes, partially blinding me.

**We all fall down. **

The girl's cannon rings out over the vast arena.  
"Congratulations to the victor of the 49th Hunger Games, Iridescent Evermore of District Twelve!" I am declared winner, but I don't care. I should have died in the arena along with all the other tributes. I crumple to the ground, limp. Then everything fades into black.

_Ring around the rosy,  
__Pocket full of posies,  
__Ashes, ashes,  
__We all fall down. _


	2. Blinding White Lights

"Iridescent. Iridescent, wake up." A soft voice soothed me. I blinked, staying ever silent. Blinding white light filled my sight.  
"Iridescent, talk to me." My sight cleared up again. I was in a white room, and a woman in blue frock stood before me. "Iridescent." I shook my head. Talking only brought back memories.

_I had only come back from gathering berries, to find my only ally, Shade lying on the ground, with Chlari from District Ten standing over him, stabbing him repeatedly.  
__"NO! GET OFF HIM, YOU B*TCH!" I screamed, wielding my spear, sprinting towards her. She jumped off Shade, and dashed off. Shade was now surrounded in a small pool of blood, his shirt stained in multiple locations. His eyes were tearing up, and he was biting his lip from pain. _  
_"Iridescent. You have to win. Win for me." Shade murmured, blood spurting out of his wounds. _

_I was crying. "Shade. Please don't die!" I turned my head up to the sky, screaming for someone to help, to send medicine, anything. To my relief, a silver parachute floated down towards me. I reached out for it, opening it. Inside lay a bottle with the word **Poison **marked on it.  
"NO! I WON'T! I WON'T!" I screamed up at the sky. I would never kill Shade. I gripped his hand tightly.  
"Iridescent, it's okay. Do it for me."  
"NO! I WON'T!" I screamed.  
He snatched up the bottle, opened the top and poured it down his throat, choking as every drop was swallowed.  
"NO!" I screeched, grabbing the bottle from him. It was empty.  
Shade smiled. Tears streamed down my face.  
"I...I love you Shade."  
"I...I love you too, Iridescent." His head flopped over to the side, haven spoken his last words in this world. His hand fell limp to the ground.  
"NO!" I screamed up to the sky, sobbing, "Shade! You can't be dead...you can't be!"  
Shade's cannon rang out, and I covered his body protectively. "NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! NO!"  
_

_The hovercraft was floating above the forest, and the platform lowered with four Peacekeepers on it. I held on even tighter to Shade, screaming that they couldn't have him. Shade's body began to float up from the ground, with me clinging on to him. His body floated up to the platform and the Peacekeepers pulled him towards it. I was holding on for my life, screaming and kicking.  
Suddenly, something hard hit my head and I let go of Shade, falling to the ground. Everything went black, and that's when I decided to never speak again. _

"Iridescent, you have to speak." I shot an angry glare at the woman staring down at me, shaking my head vigorously. I could be an Avox for all that I cared. I hadn't spoken a word since Shade died.

"What happened, District Two cut your tongue off?" She laughed. I sat up straight, glaring at her. Suddenly I kicked off the bed sheets, jumped out of bed and ran. I ran as fast as I could, as far as I could, just so I could get away from her. The Hunger Games wasn't a joke. People **died**.

I felt a sharp pain in my neck and everything got all blurry. I collapsed to the ground. I wanted Shade to be here with me. I wanted this to all be a dream, to wake up and see Shade smiling down at me again with his cocky grin. I wanted to share another kiss with him.

But Shade was gone. He was gone, and I couldn't do anything about it. A tear trickled from my silver eye.

I welcomed the darkness as the sedatives did their duty. Now I could be in peace.

**Note: I do not own the Hunger Games. **


	3. Interviews and Flashbacks

**Note: I changed Iridescent's District to D12. Hope you like the chapter! More coming soon. BTW long chapter. Oh and no, I do not own the Hunger Games. (Sadly)  
OOOH and sneak peek for the final chapter (no I haven't written it yet, but I have some ideas):  
_"We all fall in the end. Some of us are luckier, and some aren't. I wasn't lucky. Winning seemed like the ideal option, but it isn't. The victor is the most unlucky of them all. The victor has to carry the burden of all those moments in their mind, never free from the endless cries of the fallen. The ultimate loser in the end, is the victor." _  
**

"Iridescent, get up." A woman with purple hair and yellow eyes ordered.  
I got up, robotically. I didn't care anymore. The woman whisked me away to another room, where four extravagant-looking stylists and a prep team waited for me. My face remained blank as I was ordered to lie down. I did so, splaying my natural blueish white hair and closing my eyes. The stylists left the work to the prep team, and I was scrubbed and cleansed. I didn't feel it, I could only feel the empty heartbreak.  
After my skin was completely ripped off, the prep team showered me down, but I didn't even wince as the cold water stung my raw skin. I was toweled dry and left for the stylists to do their so called "magic."

I was stark naked as the stylists introduced themselves. I felt so exposed. I could see the male stylist examining my body and I shuddered. Creep. Then I noticed that the others were doing the same thing and I felt even worse.

The first stylist, who called herself Shimmre was in charge of fixing my hair. The second, a tall man with blue streaks in his purple hair was named Magnifi and was in charge of my costume. The other two, identical sisters named Rose and Thorn, were in charge of makeup and touch-ups. They plop me down in a chair with a thud.

"Ooooh DARLING, you have SUCH amazing eyes! They're so silver!"  
"And you have such lovely breasts!" Rose exclaims. I look away, disturbed.  
"So perfectly rounded!" Thorn felt them as she squealed in excitement. An involuntary blush forms upon my cheeks.  
"Oh. My. PANEM! Your blush is so CUTE!"

The stylists continue to fuss over me as they floated past me, examining my body. Shimmre took my still wet hair and rubbed oozes of cool, silky shampoo into it, massaging my skull and lathering my hair. She pushes the chair towards a sink, designed for washing hair and begins to wash out the shampoo as Magnifi ponders over my costume, flipping through dresses with a extravagant flair.  
After rinsing all the shampoo out of my hair, Shimmre applies a generous heap of honey-scented conditioner and I almost retch.

_I giggle as Shade scales the tree, knife in his teeth, burning torch in his hand. He reaches the thick branch, where he scoots across it towards the active beehive buzzing gently with the hundreds of bees. He thrusts the burning torch fowards, and the bees magically disappear.  
__"Capitol tricks..." I think to myself, laughing.  
__Shade hacks into the top of the beehive, sending it flying down to me, where I wait with a silver net to catch it. I catch it, and it bounces off, but lands back on the net. I set it down gently to the ground, and Shade shimmies down the tree and runs toward me. _

_When he reaches me, I rip apart the beehive, exposing the sweet and sticky honey inside. I look at Shade and shove my hand in the hive, and retract it, now dripping gently with the honey. I lick my fingers as I watch Shade stick a tentative finger into the hive and eat the honey that glops upon it. _

_We devour the honey from the beehive, quenching our hunger for the day. We both smelled like honey for the next two days. _

The honey scent reminds me of Shade and I don't want to think about him. Shade's dead and he'll never come back. There's nothing I can do about it. Shimmre ignores my disgusted look and looks at the clock. She nods and rinses the conditioner out, then dries my hair in seconds with this weird contraption. She then shoves the chair forward, where some type of metallic visor thing descends and styles my hair. The visor ascends, Shimmre examines me, shakes her head and presses some button.

The process repeated itself ten or so more times until Shimmre finally liked the hairstyle and she set to work upon it.  
She applied some pale purple gel to my natural bluish white streaked hair that cascaded down with navy black streaks on the bottom.  
The hairstyle was simple, gentle blue curls tumbling down to my chest in a flowing motion. It was pretty, but not to my liking.

Shimmre handed me over to Rose and Thorn, who adorn me with gops of makeup, completely concealing my natural face. I look like one of the Capitol dolls. Now they decide to plaster some sparkling gems on my face, near my eyes.  
Rose giggles and Thorn squeals, "You look so CUTE!" My eye twitches, and a disgusted look forms upon my face.  
I hate the look. I hate everything about the Capitol.

_"Three. Two. One." the Capitol announcer states through the microphone. The gong sounds and we all take off. _

_"Damn the Capitol" I think to myself as I dash to the Cornucopia, dodging a silver knife whizzing at my throat. I stoop down at the nearest backpack, snatch it up and run towards the forest, grabbing a silver spear and knife on my way there. _

_I enter the forest and keep running until I reach a bare clearing. A boy dashes in from the side, having the same intent as I did. To get away from the Careers. I whip out the spear instinctively. He sees me and grabs a knife. But I'm surprised at his words. _

_"Allies?" He says.  
"What?"  
"Do you want to be allies?" He repeats.  
"Ummm...sure. My name's Iridescent, by the way. I'm from District Twelve."  
"Shade. District Nine."  
_

_I felt a pang of emotion as he said his name. He was so nice and cute too...his smile was adorable. Shade. Even his name send me twirling through emotions...Shade. _

My eyes looked pained as I remembered. But the Capitol ruined it. It ruined my first love. My only friend.  
Rose and Thorn passed me to Magnifi, who examined my (still naked) body, murmuring something about how lovely my figure was. He had me wear some undergarments before he ordered me to slip into a musty yellow dress, which I did quite ruefully, my mind still on Shade.  
"No...too yellow."  
I try on a silver dress, but he shakes his head violently, saying that it "clashed with my eyes." He hands me a disgusting magenta dress, but his look is priceless when he sees me in it.  
"ABSOLUTELY **NOT!**" He shudders.  
He shoves a black dress at me, and when I put it on, I realize that it shows off practically my whole body.  
"Hmmm...looks wonderful..." He runs his hands down my slim figure, then shakes his head vigorously.  
"Nope. "

He does this for a while, until he finally settles on a rose-colored dress that poofs out on the bottom.

Magnifi shoves me in front of a mirror, where he and the others examine me and fix any imperfections. Shimmre sprays a layer of smelly hairspray on my hair to keep it from frizzing, while Rose dabs this clear lotion on my face to keep the makeup on. They all step back finally, examining me yet again.  
I look at myself. A different person stares back at me. It's not me. It's a girl fashioned in a rose colored dress that's much too short for my fancy, with defined silver eyes, rouge colored cheeks, and lips as bright as blood. I shiver as cold memories float through my mind.

_The Careers are below us, and I have to restrain myself from retching. They're gutting a twelve year old girl and she's screaming her lungs out. A pool of crimson blood surrounds her limp body and the liquid seeps from her ripped open chest. You can see her faint heart beating. Her hand has fallen to the side, resting in her own blood. _

_Her eye catches mine and all I see is agony and despair. Blood trickles out of her mouth, and her hair is matted and soaked with blood.  
I mouth, "I'm sorry." and send a knife flying towards her head. _

A timer beeps and the stylists rush me out of the room and into the hallway, where I'm escorted to the podium for interviews.

"Iridescent, what's it like to be the victor?" Fans scream, but I am silent. I am ever silent.

I walk robotically up to the podium, where the interviewer, a man clad in a bright pink fluffy suit with bright violet eyes named Petrare Melina greets me with a charming smile. Just like Shade's. My eye twitches.

_I wake up to birds chirping, and my vision is slightly blurry. Then it clears and I can see Shade beaming down at me with his charming smile as he whispers in my ear. _

_"Iridescent, wake up."  
__"Shade, will you do me a favor?"  
"Sure, anything for you."  
"Call me Shadow."  
He grins and shakes his head, "I like Iridescent much better. It's so much prettier, don't you think?"  
"I guess."_

A smile tries to form itself on my face, but I shove it away. My cold glare replaces it within seconds. I know what Shade would say right now. He'd say, _"Lighten up, Iridescent. The day is still young. There's nothing to be sad about."_  
I almost broke out in a grin at the thought, but then I was quickly reminded that Shade was dead.

_We were in a tree, hiding from the Careers (who were out hunting at that time) and Shade looked so magnificent, and I guess there was some type of a romantic feeling in the air, because __Shade pulled me towards him and kissed me. _

_It was sudden, but it was pure bliss. Time slowed down as we kissed, but then we remembered that we were in the Hunger Games and pulled away. It was the spark for our fire. The beginning of our relationship. It was the best moment of my life. _

Petrare motions for me to sit down, and I do, my icy stare firmly intact on my face.

"So, Iridescent, lets go with the fans' question; What's it like to be the victor?"  
I glare at him and remain silent, shaking my head violently. I don't want to be asked questions. I want to be alone. ...I want to be dead.

"Come on Iridescent, cheer up!" _  
"No." _is what I think.  
"Tell me, are you excited to see your family again?"  
I shake my head, and he feigns a gasp.  
"Why not?"  
Silence.  
"What about your friends?"  
I glare at him, as to say, _I have none.  
_"Are you glad you won?"  
I give him the most venomous look I can muster and he looks away.  
"Guess not!" He laughs. There's an awkward silence in the crowd.

The interview goes as such, him asking me questions and either I shake my head, nod or remain silent. My face is plastered with hatred and silent rage.

_I glance up towards where Shade points at a bright green vine sprouting with lovely violet blossoms. I gasp. _

_"They're so pretty!"  
"Just like you."  
I blush. Shade climbs up a tree, reaching for the vine. He plucks a single blossom from it, leaning away as the vine tries to attack him.  
__"Shade! Be careful!"  
__He drops down from his branch, strides over to me and plants the blossom behind my ear.  
__"Oh Shade."  
__"Iridescent."_

_His hand snakes behind my head and I grasp him by his shoulders as we kiss passionately. Bliss. Pure bliss._

The interview concludes after a while longer, and I step down from the podium, ignoring the roses being tossed at me.  
A disturbingly young looking President Snow awaits me in the hallway, smelling faintly of rancid blood and roses.

"Keep this up, and you'll be experiencing a living hell."  
I give him a cold glare and whisper in his ear softly, "I'm already living one."

I stalk off, ignoring his cruel shouts and promises. I break off into a run, dashing down unknown hallways, not caring where I go, just as long as I get away from here. Shouts ring out from behind me, but I don't stop. I keep running, running, running until I reach a dead end. I rattle door after door, until I find an open one, and I slip inside it. Darkness envelops me.

The light flickers on and I shield my eyes. Dark smoke fills the room, and I feel myself choking on it.  
My vision blurs and I can faintly hear yells from the hallway. A familiar figure approaches me.

_"Shade!"_ My mind screeches, but instead of being greeted by his warm body, rough hands grasp me and I try to scream, but can't.

Something hard hits my head and I find myself tumbling into the darkness.

**Author's note: Oh my god guys, thanks for such amazing reviews! I love you all! **

**~Ashy.**


	4. Nightmares

**Note: Okay I'm actually writing 2 Hunger Games fanfics at the same time, I started my 225th Hunger Games a few months ago, and this one only recently because I needed a break from the other fanfic (its complicated, don't ask). My point is, I might not update this one too quickly, trying to finish the reapings for the other one by the end of summer (September 1st). Also, check out the other fanfic I'm writing, I put a lot of work into it so that it'll be interesting! :D Oh and I just recently started a Soul Eater fic, haven't posted it yet though. *meep*  
I'm also pretty sure I changed tenses to current tense. I've been working on it for a while, and now I can't stop writing with it.  
****Also, big thanks to my beta, chickenwinglegolas. :D**

Nightmares riddle my mind whenever I go to sleep. Nightmares of the fallen, the cries the emit and all that blood. Crimson blood. Red liquid. Sometimes it's not there, sometimes it covers my mind, seeping into every crevasse. Screams fill my ears, ringing over and over again in my eardrums. They're always there. Through every living moment of my life. Mangled faces appear in my mind constantly, grinning all while screeching in pain.

Therefore, I try not to sleep at all. I use whatever I can- coffee, tea, hot chocolate, drugs, anything. But it never works. I can stay up til 2 or 3, then I fall asleep. I fall asleep, and hell awaits me.

Today, hopefully, will be different. Today, maybe I'll be able to do it. Avoid sleep. Avoid the terrors. Avoid the hell inside my mind.

I sit by my temporary bed in the Capitol, thinking as I sip my mug of hot cocoa. My eyes flutter sleepily, but I stride to the bathroom and splash cold water over my face. I blink and my eyes don't feel so saggy and sleepy anymore.

Memories of the Games are especially vivid today. The blood being splattered on the ground, staining the green grass...I shudder, trying to get the memories out of my mind. I close my eyes and try to picture a meadow with butterflies. Instead, I see the scene of the bloodbath, a meadow full of bloody corpses and gleeful, murderous Careers. My eyes fly open and I'm breathing heavily. I blink and the mangled face of my District partner fills my mind, cackling. I try to scream, but can't.

I close my eyes again, breathing in and out and trying to picture a kitten. Instead, one of the Capitol's growling mutts shows up in my mind. I concentrate and think about kittens even harder. A flashback of a mutt chasing Shade and I pops in my mind.

_"RUN!" I screech, dashing past the trees, and over stumps and fallen logs. Shade looks behind me and gasps.  
"OH CRAP! MUTTS!"  
We run side by side until we reach a meadow, panting heavily. We must've lost the mutt. Shade sighs in relief, in unison with me. _

I run my fingers through my hair, scrunching it up and letting it go, trying to rid my mind of the memory. My eyes flutter shut and I only see darkness. It welcomes me, calling out to me, _"Join us." _I feel myself reaching out to it, and I collapse on my bed, dead asleep. The darkness awaits me, and so does tonight's nightmare.

- **Nightmare** -

I'm in the forest again, surrounded by lush green trees with vines creeping up them, leaves enshrouding the rugged trunks. I'm alone, and the world is silent. I call out to the gloom,

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

No reply, just the quiet hoot of an owl. The wind whistles, and leaves whip around, hushed from the world. The forest beckons for me to venture further, and I do so, entranced by its serene beauty. The branches sway gently with the wind, and I shiver. It's all so calm, and yet I feel an air of danger.  
Suddenly, something grasps my foot firmly, and I look down. A vine has entangled itself with my ankle. I bend down to free myself, but the vine curls away from my delicate hands. I feel a jerk on my other foot. Another vine. I feel myself falling to the ground, as both vines tug at my feet. The vines tug harder, dragging me across the muddy ground, splattering my pale white dress with maroon dirt.

_**"Huh. Why would the dirt be maroon?"**_ The thought echoes throughout my mind.

"Because it's not dirt." A voice cackles from behind me. The vines are grasping me tightly now, and I struggle to move.

"Then what is it?" I murmur, as the vines grasp me tighter, and I kick my feet, desperately trying to free myself.

"Blood." A familiar face comes into view. It's Shade.

He cackles, a disturbed grin forming across his evenly tanned face. Blood seeps down from his ashen strands of hair, dribbling onto his face. What used to be a dark ash-haired boy with shining amber eyes and a cheeky grin had become an evil entity; a boy with matted hair dyed red from blood, crimson eyes and a sadistic grin. It wasn't Shade, but at the same time, it was.

The vines seem to tangle themselves even more, dragging my screaming body across the ground, away from the Shade that was, but wasn't. I bump into tree roots, as the vines keep me in tow. Thorns and prickly bushes scratch me body, causing the same crimson liquid that was the ground to drip from my open wounds.

Faces whip beside me, faces of the fallen tributes, cackling and grinning evilly. The forest moans, and I feel myself being heaved onto the edge of a cliff. The vines fly upwards, dangling me above the crevasse. I scream as the blood rushes to my head. I feel a sensation that could only be utter terror as the vines release my feet.

I plummet through the never-ending rift, flailing my arms uselessly and screeching at the top of my lungs. The skies darken, and something splatters onto my dress. It's bright red, and it hurts. I could only explain it to be blood. Acid blood.

I hear a loud thud, and pain sears through my body as I lie on the hard ground, and my body spasms, then rests still. I try to get up, but I can't move. My body is frozen in place. Drops of acid blood rain down upon me and I scream until my lungs wear out. My body is now just as mangled as all the other tributes' had been. My dress is no longer an angelic white; it has become a ripped, demonic crimson red. My skin is raw, and blood covers my body. I can't do anything but die.

A boy my age leans over me, his face scarred and bloody. But he still smiles.

"Relax, Iridescent. It'll be over soon." He whispers, and then his face morphs into one of an angry mutt.

"Not."

His body changes into a terrifying black wolf, with glowing yellow eyes and sharp teeth. He drools over me, and all I feel is agony as his saliva rips through my bloodied stomach, exposing the delicate organs within.

"You can call me Clawwe. As in the claw that's going to rip out your intestines, which I will then eat." He growls.

He raises a paw, unsheathing around twenty razor-sharp claws, and digs into my stomach, twisting his paw around until he grasps my intestine. I let out a loud scream. He drags it out, sending ripples of pure agony pulsing through my dismembered body. Clawwe runs his long purple tongue over his canines and brings his paw up to his gaping jaws, dropping my intestine into it. He chews, gulps it down and snatches up another section, slipping it into his awaiting mouth. I scream again.

"Oh Iridescent, it won't do you any good to scream." A malicious female voice rings out from behind me.  
"Please! Stop! I'm begging you! Kill me already!" I screech.  
"Oh but that's no fun!" The girl strides in front of me, her left eye missing and a scar running through her right, dripping blood.

Clawwe yanks the rest of my intestine out, scarfing it down greedily as my blood runs down onto his scruff, staining his pelt red. He licks his lips yet again, smiling.

"I'm still hungry, Iridescent." He cackles.  
"And I haven't even begun eating!" The girl hisses, transforming into a bright green snake, and she slithers towards my body.

Tears fall down my cheeks as the snake-girl bites my neck, ripping the skin off and devouring it whole. Clawwe reaches into my stomach yet again and removes a bloody kidney, biting into it instantly.

_**"Why am I still not dead?"**_ I think to myself, and as if Clawwe heard my thoughts, he replies.  
"Because here, you can never die. You're our prey, and our prey never dies; it only feels pain again and again."

The girl slides into my stomach, gnawing at anything she can find. Her scales quickly turn red, and I scream again. Pain rips through my body. Clawwe reaches out and runs his claws down my body, then licks the blood that seeps from them, sighing in pleasure.

The Shade that is, but isn't appears, cocking his head slightly.

"She's mine now."

Clawwe and the snake girl leave, blood trailing behind them, and Shade grins evilly.

"Time to die."

Instead of pleading for my life, I simply nod with the little strength I have. Shade leans over me, reaches into my chest and pulls out a glowing ball of life. My soul. It drips with blood and radiates anger and hurt.

I feel myself choking, and the most pain I have ever experienced tears through my body, extinguishing every hope I ever had, killing any love, destroying all compassion and desires.

Pain like never before exfoliates my body, ridding me of any sign of joy, and replacing it with searing pain, hurt, worry, despair and horror.

Shade looks down at me cruelly, shunning my existence.

"I thought you said you loved me." I choke out on my last breath.  
"Too bad." He hisses, then crushes my soul with his hand, plummeting me into everlasting darkness.


	5. Dreams of the Past

It was night. I was alone. Hours had passed since Shade died.

Those few hours killed me. Every moment without him killed me. In those hours, I realized my true feelings for him.

I loved Shade Nightbree. I loved the way he laughed, I loved his curious grin, I loved the way his dark hair flopped over his eyes, I loved the way his hands held mine, I loved him with every inch of my body, and I missed him. I missed his flirty wink, his careful trot through the woods, his shining amber eyes and most of all, the way he loved me back.

I wonder when it all started. When I first fell in love with him. It had to be during training, when we were both at the knife station, listening intently as the instructor showed us the correct position of the hand to throw a knife.

_"Hey, it's Iridescent, right?"  
__"Yeah. Shade?"  
__"Yep," he grinned at me, "From District 12?"  
"You got me. District 5, right?"  
"Guilty as charged." He laughs and I find myself laughing along with him.  
_

_We look back at the instructor, who's looking at us irritably as he holds a knife. I suddenly feel intimidated and snatch up a knife, copying his hand structure. The instructor nods at me, and looks over at Shade, who's doing the same thing as I am, except he's holding it wrong. I stifle a giggle as he fumbles with the knife.  
_

_"Guess knives aren't your ideal weapon..."  
"Guess so..." _

He never did get the hang of knife-throwing, but I mastered it. Yet, here I am, sitting in a tree, crying silently because he's not with me. Because he's dead. I wipe away a tear falling to the ground, trying to control my emotions, but it doesn't work. I'm still heartbroken. The bottle of poison is tucked in my pack, my last reminder of Shade. It's half empty, but there's still enough left for the unspeakable.

Suicide.

My only question is, to try and survive this godforsaken game of death, or to kill myself and be over with it. The problem is, I don't think I'm strong enough to do it, but I'm definitely not strong enough to survive. I don't know anything anymore though. Shade was my always, even if I've only known him for a little over a week. I can't explain the way I felt towards him, nor can I explain why I just don't care anymore.

I don't care about my family.  
I don't care about my friends.  
I don't care about myself.  
I don't care.

A jabberjay cackles from a few feet away, repeating Shade's last words, "I love you too, Iridescent."

I reach into my pack and throw a knife at the bird. I don't hit it. It just flies away, repeating those sacred words over and over. A tear drips down my face and onto the thick tree branch. Suddenly, I can't stop the tears from flowing.

I shouldn't have to experience all of this.  
I shouldn't be forced to kill innocent children.  
I shouldn't have to witness Shade's death.

I shouldn't have to be here.

**And I'm gonna end it with that. Sorry for a really slow update, but school started a month ago and it's been hectic ever since. A lot more HW and a lot of procrastinating and an incredible lack of sleep. Updates won't be so fast anymore, sorry. They might be faster in December though, near Christmas, cuz that's our winter break. **

**So this chapter was basically supposed to be of Iridescent back in the Hunger Games, sort of as a recap of her past. There's gonna be plenty of these, I want you guys to like know how her Hunger Games were like. **

**So yeah. Critique is always appreciated. **

**~Ashy**


	6. Anger and Despair

My eyes slowly fluttered open as I awoke and my surroundings sputtered into focus. My mind remained a clean slate for a few seconds, before all the memories of the past month rushed back to me.

_Shade. The Hunger Games. Bloodshed. Screams. Wanting to die but being left alive for some cruel reason. Echoes. The hovercraft lifting his dead body up into the sky. Crying. Yelling. Screaming. Empty. Lonely. Sad._

I felt like crying. My heart ebbed with the pain and desolation of heartbreak. My mind was screaming, my limbs were aching and despite everything, there was still this dull pain that vibrated throughout my entire existence. Heartbreak.

I wasn't sure if I was angry or depressed, even. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I just knew that I didn't like it.

I sighed and pulled myself out of bed, and my legs lazily dragged against the floor. It was silent, and the only sound was the floorboards of the Capitol apartment creaking.

It was my temporary residence in the Capitol, and I was to stay here for another two months before the Victory Tour, where I had to revisit all of the Districts and try to smile while staring at all those sad faces, especially the ones of people close to fallen tributes, the ones that wished their loved one was up onstage, instead of me. "Why did _she _have to win?"

I was deemed "unfit" to go back to my District, with my "mental condition" and my refusal to speak. I didn't want to go back anyways. I never wanted to go back, but I didn't want to stay here, though.

But what could I do?

I couldn't rebel, the Capitol was keeping too close of an eye on me, and I certainly couldn't off myself. Yet. Was it even worth it to keep on living? To have my "victory" shoved in my face every moment of my existence? To have so many angry glares aimed directly at me? To suffer in my own personal hell? To be freaking _congratulated _for killing others?

My expression twisted into a snarl. No.

I wouldn't succumb. Instead, I would have my _revenge. _Carefully planned revenge. And revenge is a dish best served cold. My eyes narrowed and a cross between a smirk and a scowl appeared on my pale face.

Revenge would mean my death, however.

But I didn't care. My life couldn't be worse. I would accept my end with grace. And hopefully, just maybe I would spark a rebellion.

**Katniss isn't the only one hungering for revenge. I've been really lazy recently, so sorry for slow update and short chapter. I've had no inspiration at all. But I'm back. Hopefully. **

**~Ash. **


End file.
